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The Lounge => New Board => Topic started by: Dr Malcolm Crowe on December 12, 2007, 02:42:32 AM

Title: Have a laugh
Post by: Dr Malcolm Crowe on December 12, 2007, 02:42:32 AM
When you've had a stressful day and you need a laugh, come to this thread. Go ahead and read/share some of your favorite jokes (let's keep 'em clean folks!)
Title: Re: Have a laugh
Post by: Rulm on December 12, 2007, 02:54:42 AM
PERFECT!!! Now, this is where all those jokes from the "Do you think Night visits this site?" Thread could go!!!...Unfortunately, I have no jokes at this moment...But I do have a hilarious quote/s from the T.V. show Family Guy!

-Flashback-Museum-Dinosaur exhibit

Lil' Peter Griffin looking up at his teacher while on a field trip of some sort:
"Why did all the dinosaurs die out?"

Teacher looks down at Lil' Peter:
"Because you touch yourself at night." He briefly responds as he looks back up.

Lil' Peter looks down in shame...

I couldn't stop laughing when I saw this! LOL!!! It was so random, it was hilarious!

P.S. If anyone finds this joke offensive in some way, I will allow it to be pulled off without me making a fuss about it...I just wanted to share it. ;D
Title: Re: Have a laugh
Post by: Lifeordeath1 on January 16, 2008, 03:13:09 PM
Dr. Malcome Crow!  It made me laugh just that you rymed about making jokes at the end of your post.  HAHA!
Title: Re: Have a laugh
Post by: Mr_Glass.1 on January 17, 2008, 10:10:55 AM
Was that intentional Dr. Malcom Crowe?
Title: Re: Have a laugh
Post by: Dr Malcolm Crowe on January 25, 2008, 07:15:15 PM
Ya know what? I'm not sure anymore. I don't really remember writing that. lol.

  :D
Title: Re: Have a laugh
Post by: Mr_Glass.1 on January 28, 2008, 10:52:05 AM
That's allright, it looks cool anyway.
Title: Re: Have a laugh
Post by: abby_hess on February 07, 2008, 10:30:33 PM
ok, here's something that has been entertaining me for the last couple of days:

How do you make 30 cents from two coins and one of them is not a nickel?
Title: Re: Have a laugh
Post by: Dr Malcolm Crowe on February 07, 2008, 10:42:44 PM
You use a quarter and a nickel, cause a quarter isn't a nickel. :D

is that right?
Title: Re: Have a laugh
Post by: abby_hess on February 07, 2008, 11:51:48 PM
maaaaaan!!! you got it too easy LOL!!! ;D

but let me tell you, others have not! and it's been quite funny!
Title: Re: Have a laugh
Post by: Lifeordeath1 on February 08, 2008, 12:31:19 AM
Im completely lost on that one!  What the trick?
 ??? ???
Title: Re: Have a laugh
Post by: Orandhite on February 08, 2008, 06:41:53 AM
That only ONE of the coins does not have to be a nickel.  The trick is that, when you read it, you might misinterpret it and think that you are not allowed to use a nickel AT ALL.

At least...that's how I understood it!  Let me know if I am wrong though!
Title: Re: Have a laugh
Post by: Mr_Glass.1 on February 08, 2008, 10:01:52 AM
haha, I like that, what I like even better is how Dr Malcom Crowe got it right away.  Way to go.  I'm going to try that joke on someone. ;D
Title: Re: Laughs for the Web site
Post by: mamasan on April 01, 2008, 06:19:49 PM
OK, so Shyamalan *might* be between movies and *might* stop in to this Web site sometime. Just in case, here are some more jokes to relieve the guy's stress. (Anyone else want to contribute?)

The following is from www.funnyandjokes.com:

"From now on, it?ll never be said that airport ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor. We dug up a few actual (or at least claimed to be) logged maintenance complaints by QANTAS pilots and the corrective action recorded by mechanics.

Problem: Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.
Solution: Autoland not installed on this aircraft.

Problem: Dead bugs on windshield.
Solution: Live bugs on backorder.

Problem: Something loose in cockpit.
Solution: Something tightened in cockpit.

Problem: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
Solution: Evidence removed.

Problem: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
Solution: That?s what they?re there for!

Problem: DME volume unbelievably loud.
Solution: DME volume set to more believable level.

Problem: Aircraft handles funny.
Solution: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

Problem: Radar hums.
Solution: Reprogrammed radar with words.

Problem: IFF inoperative.
Solution: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

Problem: Suspected crack in windscreen.
Solution: Suspect you?re right.

Problem: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
Solution: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

Problem: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-fpm descent.
Solution: Cannot reproduce problem on ground."
Title: Re: Have a laugh
Post by: Lifeordeath1 on April 01, 2008, 09:40:57 PM
LOL!  Thos made me laugh!  Nice!  Thanks for posting! 

1 ques.  Are those real logs?

If so... wow.

My favorite is:

Problem: IFF inoperative.
Solution: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.


HAHA!
Title: Re: Have a laugh
Post by: Mr_Glass.1 on April 02, 2008, 08:42:10 AM
Some of those are good.  I like the suspected crack in windshield-suspect your right. ;D
Title: Re: Have a laugh
Post by: mamasan on April 02, 2008, 09:03:34 AM
The Web site I "borrowed" them from portrays them as real. But who knows? :)
Title: Re: Have a laugh
Post by: Mr_Glass.1 on April 03, 2008, 08:47:44 AM
Some of those I find incredibly hard to believe.  If they are true, I ain't never flying again. :D
Title: Re: Have a laugh
Post by: mamasan on April 03, 2008, 11:17:03 AM
Some of those I find incredibly hard to believe.  If they are true, I ain't never flying again. :D

But, hey, Quantas has never had a crash, has it? (At least it hadn't when "Rain Main" came out.:))

Title: Re: Have a laugh
Post by: Mr_Glass.1 on April 04, 2008, 08:50:54 AM
That's a good point.  I better get used to flying, actually, I've never flown in my life and this summer I'm flying down to Nicaragua for a church missions trip.
Title: Re: Have a laugh
Post by: Lifeordeath1 on April 04, 2008, 05:07:12 PM
Hey thats cool!  The first time I was ever on a plane I was going to England and Paris with my church as well.

I eventually went to Germany, Checz., and back to England and France.
Fun times!
Title: Re: Have a laugh
Post by: Erik on April 05, 2008, 10:25:26 AM
Alright, alright, alright!

What's the differance between a lighthouse, a thief and a pot of glue?
Title: Re: Have a laugh
Post by: Lifeordeath1 on April 05, 2008, 01:33:28 PM
They are all sticky?  :o
Title: Re: Have a laugh
Post by: Erik on April 05, 2008, 03:39:05 PM
Nope...

A lighthouse watches seas, and a thief sees watches.
Title: Re: Have a laugh
Post by: Lifeordeath1 on April 06, 2008, 10:43:14 AM
Dont get it.  What does the glue have to do with the joke?
Title: Re: Have a laugh
Post by: Erik on April 06, 2008, 11:38:22 AM
Yeah, well...I got stuck on that one...
Title: Re: Have a laugh
Post by: Mr_Glass.1 on April 07, 2008, 08:51:05 AM
I'm a little confused, o well, still don't get the glue though.
Title: Re: Have a laugh
Post by: Erik on April 07, 2008, 08:57:45 AM
You where supposed to say what you said before, otherwise this joke wouldn't work. The clue of the joke is not the thief/lighthouse thing, but the fact that I couldn't place the glue in it. So I got stuck on the glue!

Get it?
Title: Re: Have a laugh
Post by: Mr_Glass.1 on April 08, 2008, 08:51:41 AM
Oh, haha  :D, I get it.  Not bad.
Title: Re: Have a laugh
Post by: Namaste on June 23, 2008, 12:40:52 AM
So, the work in Iraq is going well. They are planning out their democratic government and modeling their constitution after ours. I say we just give them ours, because I mean..it served us well for over 200 years and we don't seem to be using it anymore :P
Title: Re: Have a laugh
Post by: Namaste on June 23, 2008, 12:47:28 AM
Noah and Ivy walk into covington woods. All of a sudden TWDSO comes out of nowhere and starts chasing them. Noah and Ivy both climb up a tree, but TWDSO starts hacking at the tree with an axe! They realize this is only a temporary solution, but Ivy pulls out a brand new pair of 20th century rubber-soled running shoes and begins pulling them on. Noah scoffs at her and says "you can't REALLY expect to outrun it..." Ivy replies, "I dont have to outrun it. I just have to outrun YOU."
Title: Re: Have a laugh
Post by: Hawkowl on June 23, 2008, 07:13:39 PM
President Bush: So, how are things in Iraq?

Vice president: Oh, the same, mostly. 12 Brazilian soldiers were killed yesterday.

(Bush groans and lays his head on his desk.)

Vice President: Sir, what's the matter???

Bush: Exactly how much is a ber-zillion?

lol
Title: Re: Have a laugh
Post by: Erik on July 01, 2008, 02:46:46 PM
This is (claimed to be) the actual radio conversation of a US Navy ship and the Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October 1995.
Radio conversation released by the chief of Naval Operations, 10-10-'95.

CANADIANS: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.
AMERICANS: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the north to avoid a collision.
CANADIANS: Negative, you will have to divert your course 15 dagrees to the south to avoid a collision.
AMERICANS: This is the captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.
CANADIANS: No, I say again, you divert YOUR course.
AMERICANS: This is the aircraft carrier US LINCOLN, the second largest ship in the United States Atlantic Fleet. We are accompanied with three Destroyers, three Cruisers and numerous support vessels. I DEMAND that you change your course 15 degrees to the north. I say again, that's one-five degrees north, or counter-measures will be undertaken to ensure the safety of this ship.
CANADIANS: This is a lighthouse. Your call.
Title: Re: Have a laugh
Post by: Mr_Glass.1 on July 02, 2008, 09:42:27 AM
Hahahaha- :D If that is real, that is one of the funniest things I have ever heard.  Thanks for putting it up Erik.
Title: Re: Have a laugh
Post by: Kuzon on August 02, 2008, 12:04:50 AM
Two guys walk into a bar, you'd think the second one would duck.
Title: Re: Have a laugh
Post by: Hawkowl on August 04, 2008, 04:49:56 PM
I read that the lighthouse one was just an urban legend, but it's still funny!  :D